Sunday, 17 July 2011

Do we expect too much from daddies?


Yesterday, daddy and I had a bit of an argument. I found that he wasn't spending quite enough quality time with Amy. 
With quality time I mean time that he uses to play with her or read her a story from a book. I know she's only little and it doesn't make a difference to her if we are reading a story book or a kebab flyer to her but I simply find it important that we interact with her and stimulate her little brain. Whenever she's awake I spend time on her play mat with her, sing songs, shake her rattles and and and ... you know how it works. Daddy however sits her up on the sofa next to him and tells me "She's fine" when I give him the look. You know, the one saying 'Ehm, that's not what I meant when I said look after her for a minute'. He loves her to bits and helps with her nappies and everything and he's an absolute diamond when it comes to cooking and cleaning (You must think 'Why are you stupid cow complaining then') but whenever I would like him to spend some time with Amy, he seems to have no idea on what to do with her. It's like telling a worm to juggle. "I'm going to be the best dad ever when she's a bit older", he says when I tell him to play with her and I know he will because he is absolutely amazing with children, but the answer I get each and every time at the moment is "But she's just too young now."
Well, it's not that I find it challenging to make silly faces and shake a rattle for what feels like three hours a day but I enjoy doing it. I enjoy it because I can see on Amy's little face that she loves it when I look like an absolute nutter and it's great to see that she starts reacting to certain toys. Daddy has said he'll make an effort of properly playing with Amy now and I can't wait for him to share these great moments with me. 

Do your other halves struggle to play with your little ones, too? Can you suggest anything to help daddies learn to play again? Feedback is very much appreciated!
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17 comments:

  1. Rebecca English17 July 2011 at 19:18

    Hi there. Children put such a strain on relationships. I just think some people are better at playing than others - it's not just dads - some mums find playing hard. I think they feel a bit silly. Read a great post on netmums about a mum who found playing with her children boring.
    http://www.netmums.com/bloggers/view-our-network/view/chronicles-of-a-reluctant-housedad

    Also some people (often dads) find it easier when their kids become older, as he said. I guess they prefer the tickling, throwing in the air, and ball games you can play with older children. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with Amy. As long as he is doing something with her I am sure he will too.

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  2. lja_star18 July 2011 at 17:47

    Agree. My hubby struggles with play, hes much better at rough and tumble games. Keep saying he needs to 'play' but he doesn't and get very defensive.

    I'd have to seriously nag to get him to do some crafts with Joshua. He plays a little with baby, but doesn't sit with toys...more throwing him around.

    Tbh sometimes I get bored playing the same thing over and over, but if its making them happy then I carry on.

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  3. Elaine Livingstone19 July 2011 at 18:59

    I dont think you have much to worry about if he is good with her in other ways, you cant teach him what doesn't come natural or what he doesnt feel comfortable with. Let him do what comes natural to him, and dont push too much in case it has a knock on effect and you create a rift between you and him. let him love her in his own way, just as you do. If you dont mind me saying so, and I say this in the nicest way possible, you love her in your own way which will seem a strange way to daddy, so let daddy love her in his own way even if it seems strange to you. good luck. learning to be a parent is the hardest job and babies do not come with an instruction manual.

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  4. Jackiecook21 July 2011 at 11:50

    I think you're being rather unfair to your husband and also assuming that your way of parenting is the "best way". How can sitting chilling on the sofa with the most important man in your life be a bad thing? Surely there is enough room in your relationship for you to do the silly faces and "educational" stuff while your husband takes a more relaxed approach - teaching your child that everyone is different is surely a far more important lesson?

    You should treasure the fact that your daughter has a strong male in her life to help shape her as she grows. My children, who due to bereavment don't have a father, are not so lucky.

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  5. caro_mad21 July 2011 at 21:03

    Yeah, I guess you are right when you are saying that some people find it easier to play than others. I have experienced this myself. I always found it relatively hard to pretend play with my nieces but now that I have Amy all those things seem to come back to me and I actually really enjoy them :)

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  6. caro_mad21 July 2011 at 21:13

    He has said that he wants to do more things with her now which I am really happy about. I didn't try forcing him or anything but I just tried and make him think about it and I think it clicked ;) I know he's great with her and it makes me so happy to see Amy's little face light up when she's playing with daddy x

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  7. caro_mad21 July 2011 at 21:38

    I'm sorry if I came across the wrong way but I do not assume that my way is the 'best way'. I am a first time parent and still learning. All I wanted to say is that I would like them to spend time actually doing something because I know they would enjoy. OH has played lots with her during the last couple of days and they do both love it. You can see it in their faces :)

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  8. lja_star22 July 2011 at 11:52

    Agree. My hubby struggles with play, hes much better at rough and tumble games. Keep saying he needs to 'play' but he doesn't and get very defensive.

    I'd have to seriously nag to get him to do some crafts with Joshua. He plays a little with baby, but doesn't sit with toys...more throwing him around.

    Tbh sometimes I get bored playing the same thing over and over, but if its making them happy then I carry on.

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  9. The Boy and Me22 July 2011 at 22:17

    Just noticed the first comment below; how rude!

    I don't think you're being unfair at all to expect that your husband should be playing with her daughter at all! My husband has always played with The Boy and been a part of all aspects of his life; his involvement did not stop with a deposit 9 months prior to conception!

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  10. Cat Parrott22 July 2011 at 22:55

    I find hubby will play more with our boys if I'm not in the room. I think he's a bit self conscious if I'm there watching.

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  11. NewMumOnline22 July 2011 at 23:24

    How old is Amy? I only ask because Hubby has started playing A LoT more now that Aaron's 13 months and walking xx

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  12. caro_mad22 July 2011 at 23:25

    She'll be 13 weeks on Sunday so only little :) xxx

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  13. caro_mad22 July 2011 at 23:27

    That's a good point, although I can't imagine that with my better half. He always makes the most hilarious faces and dances and jumps through the house. He can even do a gay Tyrannosaurus Rex but sshh, don't tell him I told you LOL x

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  14. caro_mad22 July 2011 at 23:31

    That's good to hear. I really started doubting myself, although I wrote this post thinking that I am not asking for anything unreasonable. I just think playing helps them bond even more x

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  15. caro_mad22 July 2011 at 23:32

    Same here, shaking a rattle for what feels like an eternity is not the most exciting thing in the world, is it? LOL x

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  16. Cat Parrott23 July 2011 at 15:51

    Now that I'd like to see!

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  17. Jennakeller12630 July 2011 at 11:55

    My hubby is very good with my son, but more with the rough and tumble play rather than sitting quietly with him reading him books etc. I wish he would do that a bit more really. I think if we had a little girl he would find it quite hard as he wouldnt be able to play rough so much xx

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